Don't you hate it...

...when you know something you're not supposed to know? And you can't tell other people what you know because you're not supposed to know it? Even though you desperately want to tell people?

Yesterday two people that I work with were on the phone talking to each other.

They called my cell phone in an attempt to conference me in to their little chat. But I was in another meeting and didn't answer my phone.

So Person 1 left me a voicemail. Then Person 1 attempted to hang up the call to my cell phone. Person 1 was unsuccessful.

Person 2 took the opportunity to ask Person 1 about a co-worker of ours, Person 3. Person 1 told Person 2 what was going on with Person 3.

Person 1 and Person 2 continued talking for a minute.

Then they were interrupted by my cell phone telling them they had exceeded the length of time available to leave a message on my phone.

Person 1 and Person 2 FREAKED OUT.

Person 1 immediately tracked me down to tell me about the disturbing message on my phone and give some explanation. Person 1 gave me the option to listen to the message or just delete it.

Curiosity killed this cat. I listened.

I wish I hadn't. Now I look like this.

A new "post label"

Sooo...we got engaged!!

I'm getting used to the fact that Daniel is no longer my boyfriend. He's my fiance. Fancy.

That's a really cool thing to get used to.

And now I get to add a few new labels to my posts.

1) Oh shoot. I'm going to be in a bunch of pictures now and I don't want my rear end to take up the whole picture. Better pay more attention to how often I work out and what I eat.

2) How on Earth are we going to settle on a date after we consider work schedules and family schedules and making sure we don't step all over Daniel's cousin's wedding because he got engaged first?

3) Wedding planning is not my favorite thing in the world...can't we just elope?

Hmm...those are a little long. Better pare them down.

The Great Name Debate

So here's the thing.

I like to name my cars and I've been thinking about a name for the Mini Cooper. Yeah, I know, I've had the car for three years now so I'm taking my dear sweet time coming up with a name.

I'm not one of those "cars are girls" people. I like to think of my cars as guys. Maybe because I have the driving finesse of a lead footed demolition derby diva.

Yeah, I'm cool like that.

Remember when I mentioned my first car? The car I got from my Gma? That car was awesome...I miss it.

It was a manual transmission. A five speed to be exact. I named him Quint.

Get it? FIVE speeds...Quint...as in quintuplets...as in FIVE!

So my car now is a manual transmission. It's a six speed. As in sextuplets.

Hmmm

I can't really call my car Sex.

The search for a name continues.

It's for the kids

Yesterday was the fundraising walk for the Orange County Chapter of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF).

I raised my money, woke myself up early, drove down to the University of California, Irvine campus and walked the three mile loop with 20+ coworkers. I'm proud to say that my coworkers and I raised over $19,500 for JDRF through this walk and a few other fun fundraisers we had in the office!

Here are a few thoughts from the day.

• I have participated in the JDRF fundraisers since I've been with Grant Thornton by either donating money, participating in the walk or both. But my heart is really with the American Diabetes Association. JDRF is so focused on finding a cure, which is a truly admirable cause, but the ADA is focused on finding a cure, preventing Type II diabetes and helping people live with Type I and Type II diabetes.


• My grandfather died from complications of Type II diabetes. My father has Type II diabetes. I cry a little every time I do one of these walks.


• I admire people who devote their time, money, energy and support to a worthy charitable organization and help to educate others. I do not admire people who look down on others because they don't support the same charitable organization but choose to support another, equally worthy charitable organization. We all have different battles and personal experiences that shape our lives and our desires to be involved in charities.


• Does anyone else think it is beyond messed up to serve donuts to people raising money for kids who CAN'T EAT SUGAR???

Inner Debate #3

So what is it that you want out of life?

Daniel and I had this conversation last night. Mostly due to my frequent freak outs lately and my internal debates about life and work and all that icky grown up stuff that I don't like to deal with.

I'm a fairly emotional person. Sometimes I talk about everything up front. Sometimes I internalize things and then explode like someone dropped a package of Mentos into a 2 liter of Diet Coke. Check it out on YouTube.

Daniel is a very calm person. Daniel is the antithesis of Mentos in Diet Coke.

This leads to him worrying when I freak and me worrying when he doesn't freak out.

So yesterday we sat down and reminded each other of what it is we want in life. Happily, they are still the same and still what we discussed way back in the days when we first started dating.

And here's the thing that has me thinking again.

Daniel is very much a believer in the idea that, if you have stress in your life, there are physical and health related consequences. He follows the "don't worry until there is something to worry about" philosophy.

I follow the "freak out about all potential problems in advance" philosophy.

Guess which one of us stresses the most and has physical reactions to that stress.

Ok, so maybe you don't really have to guess.

I need to find a way to de-stress. I need to make sure that I don't start stressing out about the fact that I don't immediately de-stress.

Do you sense a vicious cycle in the works?

I do. I'm trying to avoid it.

But I'm not stressing out about stressing out. Because that would be bad.

Inner Debate #2

California or...ummm...somewhere else?

I moved to California for my ex husband. I stayed in California immediately after we separated because it was busy season and I was swamped with work and didn't feel that I could emotionally deal with getting divorced, moving and changing jobs all at the same time. I'm just not that cool.

Things settled down eventually and I stayed in California for my newfound need to show myself and everyone else that I could make it on my own, for work, and my new boyfriend.

It's been 10 years now since I first made the drive to California in my little car that I got from my Grandma. Isn't it weird how you can miss cars?

I sometimes have the "I can't believe I've stayed in CA for BOYS!!" moments. I hate those moments. They totally make me feel like a girl in junior high...like...totally...like, oh my gosh!

But that's not all of it. I've been building a career and life of my own out here too. And, not to brag, but I've done pretty well for myself out here. I've got my job (I think), my little apartment, my friends and a little family, and all that jazz.

While California may never really feel like "home", it definitely is where my life is now. And to be quite honest, Kansas will probably never feel like "home" again now that I've spent 10 years in California.

But here's the thing. My family is all over the place...and my immediate family is nowhere near California. I don't really have a "here's where I can move to be close to family" location.

But Florida is definitely the front runner now in the "where could I move for family" debate. I hate to think of having kids that will grow up away from my family. That is a major concern for me. I hate when things happen and I can't get to my family quickly. It's just awful.

Daniel has said he would be willing to relocate down the road, which is a huge thing for him considering his whole life has been spent here, his career is here and his family is here. Knowing he would be willing to move for me is great. Finding out that, before we started dating and I was thinking of moving to Texas or Florida, he was thinking "well, I guess I'll be moving too because I can't let her just leave" is pretty cool too.

So what do I do? For now, I don't rock the boat any more than it is currently rocking. I can handle change to an extent. But a total upheaval is more than my already ulcer-inducing nerves can take.

I think.

Inner Debate #1

The work drama continues...

So here's the deal.

I have a stressful job. A very stressful job. A job that, usually, I enjoy but lately has had me waking up in the middle of the night.

This leads to me being very tired and cranky due to lack of sleep and the crankiness seeps into all other aspects of my life.

If it was just the normal stress of deadlines and client drama, I would be OK. You get used to all of that after a while.

But throw on top of that the multiple lay-offs we've gone through, losing a client this week and possibly losing another client and things get to be too much.

So I'm stuck. As a single gal, I REALLY depend on that paycheck. If I was laid off, I could look for a new job and probably land a good one. Everyone that has been laid off in my office has found other work.

But I'm terrified of getting laid off...

And at the same time I realize that, by staying in this crazy stressful situation, I'm putting myself at risk for damaging my health. Not to mention what it's doing to my relationships.

So maybe I should quit before I'm laid off...

I'm worried about getting sick and letting this all get to me to the point where I push people away in fits of crankiness and blow things out of proportion.

Or not take the time to sit down and think about what it is I really want out of life.